Forget You Said It.

Once in a picayune moment, I created a site by the same name, where I implored the curious as follows.


***** 
Hi, 

I’m a person with emotions just like you.

All I want is for you to be able to say here anything you like, whatever matter is on your mind without any trepidation or fear of censure, criticism or comeback and totally rest assured no one – and trust me when I say no one - your family, relatives, in laws, parents, partner, spouse, kids, your ex, any man or woman you like/dislike, boy or girl you love or felt hurt by, friends, classmates, teacher, coach, supervisor, present or a potential boss, colleagues, employees, competitors, customers, fans, neighbors, casual acquaintances, random strangers you met/wished you had not met, your society, company, powers-that-be, country, electorate, media or any one you can possibly think of - will ever come to know of it! 


That is my promise.


Now, I’m simply here to listen. Not to judge. Think of this as your private confession box or personal sounding board where you are always welcome to rave and rant to your heart’s content, voice all your feelings openly and without apology, say exactly what you want without hesitation to whoever you want, about anything you wish to express or ever dreamt of saying.

                  
Just type in the box, hit send and forget you ever said it!


Mind you, I’m not trying to offer advice. I merely suggest; rather than saying or sending directly to whoever it concerns and what may haunt you, why not put it in the confidential box on this page and save yourself from pain, regret or embarrassment down the line? In fact, you don't even need to enter your ACTUAL email ID.


Is it not smarter to walk away by getting it off your chest anonymously or are you willing to hang your personal or professional image out to dry over something, that may well prove inconsequential and even laughable, five years down the line? So, feel free to say it now in as much detail or brevity you desire, to whoever you like with clearly no harm done and simply get over with it by exploring this option! Period.

I trust this explains and hope the site helps you in that respect and look forward to any feedback.

Best,

Your Confidant

********************


I next added a box on the page so anyone could anonymously type in whatever he or she chose with the aim to leave 'unsaid' the wrong thing at any tempting moment and well, let it go. Bada bing bada boom!

Although I have since pulled the site as I felt I was inviting potshots from my own family and friends, I also felt an open response would answer skeptics and anyone equally intrigued so one can acknowledge the reasoning. 

I say acknowledge as we confuse acknowledgement with acceptance. To acknowledge is not the same as to accept.  It simply suggests you respect someone else's opinion while politely maintaining your own. This alone can settle differences of opinion if any, as sometimes we refuse to acknowledge thinking it compromises our position but nothing could be further from truth. On the contrary, it addresses an oft-ignored human need of been listened to, even if one doesn't necessarily agree to the views and instantly opens the door to meaningful dialogue and improves the odds of reaching a conflict resolution, where previously there was none.

So, my motivation was just this. To help anyone safely vent out emotions without causing collateral damage. Ask yourself, how may times have you said or sent something that you wished you had not or prayed you were more circumspect and could have handled it differently? The irony is, as much as would like to believe, we are less about cut and dried logic and more about emotions especially in tricky circumstances. Most people and nations fight or fall apart and have across ages, as one either said something inappropriate or uncharitable to the other or accidentally touched a raw nerve even with the best of intentions or just the tone, that the other simply did not appreciate. 

Even if you feel indignant and is justified in saying it upfront, what good is it really if it blows up on the face or lands you in hot water or you lose credibility and worse, costs you a job, career or relationship? I have and I'm not exactly proud it. So, rather by saying to someone else, a complete stranger if you will, who offers to listen and will not react, we can let out pent up emotions or feelings and then decide if it is worth saying it out loud or not. Alternatively, we may also seek some degree of comfort in sharing random thoughts with no one in particular and forget about it, without speculating about what that person thought of it.

This site did not offer self-help in the traditional sense of the word as one too many sites around that already exist and run by accomplished teachers. Instead it merely helped you to redirect your emotions with causing harm to yourself or anyone else and allowing you unlimited chances to think it over. Even after that, if you still felt you need to say or send it out directly to whoever it concerns, please go ahead by all means but be absolutely sure about that first. You will have everything to gain and really nothing to lose by saying it anonymously for starters. If not anything else, you might feel safe. So, at best the site was cathartic and at worst, your virtual punching bag that did not cost a buck!

In my own experience, more often than not we are conscious deep down what to say but want to run it by someone first to put it clearly in perspective and it sounds ideal if we can achieve this without entering any argument or debate. On a lighter note, in social sites we sort of scream for attention and on this, you could keep it strictly confidential.

That said, it was merely my experiment with emotions or at the very least, trying to think through in a troubled and emotional moment (when we feel never more alone than when surrounded by dark moods that gather to throw us a pity party) and as any great teacher is wont to say; the moral is to fail early, fail often but see it as a feedback loop...

With Great Power Comes Great...Empathy!

CASSIUS
Hear me, good brother.

BRUTUS
We at the height are ready to decline.
There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures. (IV.ii.269–276)

Imagine. You're a famous author and equally shrewd judge of character, asked to write a story about a powerful company that will later change the course of history. Who would you cast as CEO? Options as begrudging as you maybe, are...

Alexander. Adolf Hitler. Winston Churchill. Abraham Lincoln. Jesus. (Before he turned Christ).

As you start reflecting on the life and times of each individual, you realize each display a brand of leadership so unique, most companies today would not hesitate to give their middle arms to hire.


Alexander the Great was all about leading from the front. Not one to sit around on some high horse giving orders, he will rub shoulders with you and show by example what it takes to roll up sleeves and bury your elbows deep in work. This is a far cry from leaders today who expect you to continue marching until you have blisters on your feet while they get to ride in a jeep.

The world stands aside for men like that who will toil night or day to move mountains and company bottom lines with burning passion and indefatigable drive. Can possibly this guy be bested?


Ask yourself the question, what works at the end of the day? Some guy who is loved or feared at work? Moreover, if your idea of doing business conjures images of some room full of table thumping, cigar chomping, tough negotiators- who can, nay, will get hard hitting results without a shred of doubt? 

Adolf Hitler. Führer. Or, whatever you wish to call.

I'm dead serious. If you want the man who can get your people on toes or get business rivals to sweat with a single glance and show off to the board the wherewithal on top, how to survive any economic downturn, you need look no further.

His perfect, clinical approach around acquisition strategy coupled with a penchant for scientific exploration will curry much favor with stake and shareholders alike, even if you and I approve or not. After all, not many will pass up a chance to retire early and get silly rich!


Nope. You finally decide. You seek a man everyone loves to listen when he speaks and loves to speak to when he listens. The guy everyone looks upto for inspiration in times of crisis. Someone like Winston Churchill? Correct, the man who could motivate his troops in the darkest hours with tongue-in-cheek humor, 'If you're going through hell, keep walking'.

Born leader with a gift of gab, as most employees will later say in company surveys. Trouble is, critics called him out on his politics. Someone known more for a laissez-faire attitude towards high rollers, than his modesty. Nowhere near Steve Jobs or Narayana Murthy. Someone, perhaps you are not ready to hang your hat on yet?

I know you're starting to wish you had a cloudy crystal ball to search Mr El Populare cause your CEOs seem just well dressed bounty hunters. Now, where can you find some authentic character not purchased by greed or gain? Can today's corporate capitalism even exist without waste? Yes, when a nondescript log cabin and bible builds moral fiber in shape and form of lawyer and a just statesman, Abe Lincoln.

In corridors of power he stands tall when he says, 'Nearly all men can stand adversity, but to test a man's character, give him power'. Very true, in a world where power is confused with greatness and with great power, often comes moral decadence.


Nevertheless, why judge people by scriptures of their faith or scars from their past, when you could embrace them by the content of their hearts? Sounds utopian, if not crazy? Clearly, Jesus didn't think so and guess what, in response we started a religion en masse around him!


Of all 5 skills- leading from the front, being loved or feared, offering pep talks, displaying authentic character- empathy is truly the most underrated, given how others have certainly seized the tide at flood. Research, however shows the best leaders lean towards empathy like a good fisherman goes out of his way to bait his hook with what the fish prefer- not a bad tip for those in power who wish to succeed in managing human emotions.      

Ain't your productivity linked to positive emotions?

I mean, you can't really go far or get the best out of a bull by waving a red flag in its face, can you? Yet, isn't this what we normally do?

So, why is empathy a rara-avis when we're seldom creatures of dry logic? Maybe we have no right to manage others till we learn how to first manage our emotions. Or, we mistake empathy with sharp listening skills and end up replying bluntly. Still some lack a sensitivity chip or secretly prejudiced or simply couldn't care less. But the fact stays, you can have anything you want in life, if you can help others get what they want.

Show me, I'll forget. Teach me, I might remember. Mentor me, I'll learn. Empathize with me, I'm sold!

Oh, and hey, an empath is like a woman. If you go about saying you are one, you are least likely one.                                                                                           
Empathy. Human touch in mundane conversations. Fair, enough? Well, don't take my word. After you die, check your epitaph to see who gave a damn. I still need to battle my own demons.

Meet The New Boss. Same As The Old Boss.

General walks upon a band of soldiers loitering around. Everyone stiffens to attention.

'Got a penny?' He snapped. Hint: I need to make a call but can't get a damned signal. 

'Sure, mate'. Smiles a rookie and promptly reaches into his fatigues.

General turns around with a raised eyebrow, looks him dead in the eye and says very slowly. 'Excuse me. Let's try again. Got a penny?'

Rookie (with a deadpan expression) looks straight ahead and says.' No, sir'.



     'Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.'- Joan of Arc
                                                                                                
Of all people, Jack Welch at World Business Forum, said, “Fear is dead as a management tool". One may even add. 'Orders only work in the army. In corporates however, cooperation works!'

'Tsk. Pollyannish thinking!' I can hear the skeptics smirk. 'You mean tell him he's great and eat crow. No, cooperation can only get you transferred to the mail room licking envelopes. You need hard, take-no-prisoners style of talk to get things done. Even old timers used to call this, piss and vinegar!'

'Now, that's just a train wreck waiting to happen', you could counter. 'Cooperation ain't boot licking for crissake! Why, cooperation is simply the milk of human kindness to grease communication...'

Except good faith misunderstanding is what can spoil your ship for ha-porth of tar. Yes, harmony is achieved when employees feel good about coming to work and the work atmosphere is informal.But is no trouble in paradise, really so good?

 
Bosses managing such groups often want to project the image that on their watch 'everything is under complete control' and 'our group works as one unit.' However, this man may view a complainant, say, you as someone who is not a team player and mistrust you, as an outsider or even whistleblower.

However the decision to discount complaint and quickly dismiss denies the company the opportunity to learn important information. By making a decision, based only on his own 'infallible' experience, your idealist boss may have missed something perfectly important...

Too much truth can sadly make some madder than too little.

On the other hand, a boss who can go beyond the investigation of a complaint to attempt to address the underlying problems that led to the complaint, have made a true commitment to improving the company work ethics and placed his/her authority squarely behind the company values.



The seemingly friendly boss. You all know this guy who tries to chat you up (creating awkward silences) and punctilious about reading every single mail (marking mails as read so nothing shows unread in his inbox). Well he's so affable, he insists guys that report into you to approach him, Don Populare, when they see the slightest sign of trouble, prompting them to air grievances and complaints, already dealt with or so trivial they normally receive no attention. Yet he never hesitates to grind his axe and pull rank when they complain about you, without as much as now offering you the slightest benefit of doubt or allowing a word in protest in similar circumstances!


Can anyone please tell this guy? Unless he is desperate for camaraderie and consequently eager to believe what anyone says, in his burning desire to be fair to the 'weak and innocent', no one wants to see minor situations escalate and equally good employees (you) hurt by rumors and innuendo...

Some are born weak. Some turn weak. Some merely pretend.
                                                              

From a corporate angle, one plain difference between oligarchy and plutocracy is in the former, power is vested in a few while in the latter, few by virtue of wealth dominate. You see this in self owned companies, when marriage between two can lead to kakistocracy where the least effective people are often promoted to the most effective positions. Now, you may surely argue, almost all companies start with one or more bright eyed guys at some point or other, who chose to break out of the pack and how you will gladly give your middle arm to work in some but check in how many is HR and your boss anything but neutral to one another? Who wears the pants in that flimflam relationship?


This opens Pandora's box. Say, something happened but HR 'felt' the complainant’s interpretation was incorrect or unreasonable at worst or at best, why attribute to malice what can easily be explained by stupidity? So, your boss leans on HR to cut corners and close the investigation quickly to allow people to 'move on'.

Have we, I fancy, confused corporate power and responsibility with smug, self righteousness?
 
Can you ignore a potential distress when it is easy to interview others and confirm facts? Even if the complainant is the only victim, do you want wrong behavior to go unchastened? Good HR practices focus on grievance process and makes counseling available from trained guides and meets employee needs for resolution of work conflicts and work issues. Practices that it's also less likely employees start crying foul to draw attention on anything!

Conversely, further to disciplining the respondent, HR can ask if actions can be taken to make the complainant 'whole'. Making someone whole, in this context, means putting the victim back in the position had the incident not occurred. Example, work time lost as a result, could be compensated.
 
                                            
Addressing the need of a client is one thing, upstaging your employee who is confidently meeting it, is quite another. 

Yet, you see it all around. Young, driven MBA enters as the new boss. Starts cracking the whip in the name of customer satisfaction. He sees nothing wrong in taking credit on success and passing the blame on failures. Ingratiating to seniors who further support him, he believes more in playing to the gallery than in pushing teamwork across boundaries. The sycophancy is sickening. The sort that makes you pace in your apartment in disbelief. You keep safe distance. He steps up the aggression and soon morale plummets faster than some piano thrown from Burj Khalifa and mutual expectations are met no more than ships passing in the night. If you imagined leadership is 'lead, follow or get out of the way', this is stepping on toes. At least your previous boss was only guilty of micromanagement.

 
I once read a book that said, your average boss does not think deep down he deserves that position so a couple of well placed insults followed by a genuine compliment, will have him rooting for you!

I also read one that said, a good boss is like a good jockey. The horse does not feel him or her unless absolutely necessary...

Take a minute to think over it.


And I think, all I'll need is the striped pants and a star of David.
                                                                                            
Yours Truly,
A Lead.                                                                                           

The Prophecy of Goldilocks

Aliens. ET. Species. Predator. UFO. Area 51. SETI. Vampires.

Whoa, that one definitely crashed the party but if you’re starting to think, little green men playing hide and seek with mankind or giant insects, bringing death and destruction in its wake is pure Hollywood, grab your coke and get a load of this!

Goldilocks, or so the story goes is about a girl who wanders into the house of three bears and starts fooling around but is nearly found out, when the bears return. Goldilocks' Zone, to those who are slow to Google, is the habitable zone in the galaxy where intelligent life can exist.

I suppose you will next ask, what has that to do with Goldilocks? I honestly don’t know. But what I do understand is like Goldilocks, we are perhaps dangerously close to discovering another civilization but don’t realize the inherent danger.

Today, no scientist, worth his salt, would even question the existence of other civilizations. The chances of exterrestial life lurking out there is too real, if not tempting so the only thing, the scientists don’t agree on is the actual number. What, they do agree on is they are not sure what to do, if suppose, one of them does respond to us.

David Brin in The Great Silence, warns us, Active SETI or aggressive efforts of our part to signal to anyone out there, is just asking for trouble as maybe the reason, civilizations similar to us ( similar, as in altruistic and chatty ) have chosen to stay quiet because they know something, that we don’t. Maybe, because there IS hostile life with zero tolerance for suckers like us.

Astronomer Robert Jastrow, pondering on the consequences of possible contact with an alien civilization, wrote that he saw no reason for optimism. Astronomer Ronald Bracewell further warns that other species would also place a premium on cunning and weaponry, an alien ship headed our way is likely to be armed.

Astronomer Eric Chaisson thought that physical contact could lead to a neo-Darwinian dominance of our culture by theirs. Astronomer Zdenek Kopal was more specific: should we ever hear the space-phone ringing, for God's sake let us not answer, but rather make ourselves as inconspicuous as possible to avoid attracting attention!

Other scientists also have warned of potential dangers. Biologist Michael Archer said that any creature we contact will also have had to claw its way up the evolutionary ladder and will be every bit as nasty as we are. It will likely be an extremely adaptable, extremely aggressive, a super-predator. Physicist George Baldwin predicted that any effort to communicate with extraterrestrials is fraught with grave danger, as they would show innate contempt for human beings.

Astronomer Robert Rood likens the civilization, that blurts out its existence on interstellar beacons at the first opportunity, to some early hominid descending from the trees and calling "here, kitty" to a saber-toothed tiger.

Consider the cautionary views of SETIs’ very own astronomers. Seth Shostak wrote that we can no better guess the motivations of alien intelligence than goldfish can guess ours. Jill Tarter asked rhetorically: who knows what values might drive an alien culture? Aliens might not have the same motives that we do. Douglas Vakoch wrote that we should not assume that the ethics of extraterrestrials will be like our own.

Now, wait a minute. Are we not being too paranoid for, if you look upon prehistoric Earth, we would actually witness the opposite? The lion and gazelle, predator and prey, shift naturally from the tension of the chase back into a relaxed state, even as the gazelle surrenders its life. There is no carryover of resentment, embarrassment, or concern for the future. Everything is allowed to pass. Why is the dolphin so content in the sea? The deer at home in the forest. The eagle, master of the skies. Why is non violence the rule than the exception in nature? Nature, as in, the non ego type?

The answer is perhaps one of the great wonders of life and key to true success of existence: These creatures are all made for what happens to them. So, why assume those aliens, to be typically badass?

Let’s explore a perspective unchallenged by anyone, living or dead. And yes, I refer to the spiritual scriptures, as a source to resolve this intriguing paradox.

All creation, states the Bhagvad Gita, is a mixture of three basic abilities or Gunas. The lowest is Tamas, or darkening ability, next is Rajas, stimulating ability and finally, Sattwa, spiritually uplifting ability and the universe everywhere predominantly manifests one or another of these abilities. Indeed, Paramhansa Yogananda, blessed master and divine avatar is quoted as saying; entire galaxies manifest primarily one or another Guna. He added, there are galaxies for example, where Tamas rules. The inhabitants of the planets of those galaxies are the most part brutish and incapable of aspiring to spiritual heights. Fierce animals roam there, and cannibalism abound. The inhabitants are in a constant state of war and conflict. Lust and animal pleasure are considered the best life can offer.

Then there are galaxies where Rajas is pronounced, planets where self aware beings live but whose primary concern is self aggrandizement and self importance. Our, own Milky Way is such a galaxy. Finally, there are galaxies filled with Sattwa Guna. Planets in there resemble Garden of Eden and people communicate easily with astral beings. Harmony and beauty is common everywhere. Earth, as it is on the outskirts of Milky Way, gets less spiritual power than at centre, as expounded by Swami Yukteshwarji in Holy Science, so more Rajasic, though it must be said, we're literally ascending to a plane of deeper understanding and sensitivity, with the coming of Dwapara Yuga.

So much so, leading scientists nowadays believe we are, in all probability, a 0.7 type civilization, where Type 1 is able to harness the entire resources of the planet, Type 2, of the solar system and Type 3, of the galaxy. Type 4, can go and make baby universes. Type 5, nothing short of phantasmagoria!

You can say, given our laughable prowess we are sitting ducks for a predator but no revolution took place by hiding in the cupboard either. Surely, we did not step out of the primordial soup, because there was nothing to eat us alive, but we did so to meet our destiny and if we do not reach out to the stars, in fear of being found out, we are no better than dead men waving from ports of a sunken ship, when danger does come to greet us. Besides, how will we even hope to find a benevolent race if we are too scared to ask? 

History proves that man is meant to survive and flourish, be it the timely demise of the dinos or the evolutionary kick in our pants. True, there will be setbacks but in time, we'd be greater than we ever imagined possible and someday when the risk it takes to remain tight inside the bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom, we shall leave the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God...

State Of The Nation

Le sang versé ne sèche jamais (Shedded blood never dries).
I

1947. Kashmir.

On a night like this, everything looks disquieting than it is. The hawks and doves on both sides of the border are resting but this tranquil haven belies the fact that sleeping communities of homo sapiens abound on either side of the valley are darkly overshadowed by a fear of being torn apart from their land in the face of constant strife.

If Paris is the only city in the world where starving to death is still considered an art, Kashmir remains an image full of light and hope, rich with promise that only exists in the eyes of those removed from it. Those who still say the land laughs in flowers. Egg colors dot the countryside with vibrant hues. Yellows, pinks, reds, greens, whites that cause one to stop and absorb its beauty. Those, who turned insurgents, not by choice but necessity.

Nations throughout history have had different reasons for taking up arms. Some for revenge, some for land, some for religion, or someone just doesn’t like the way the other guy looks. But these are more or less expressions of one thing. Some guy doesn’t want another guy to tell him what to do. So, he adopts a path so dangerous that it explains away your sins in a way that doesn't challenge your faith but makes you masochistic to dream of going down in flames while angels sing.

2010. Kashmir. The Valley.

II

The evil ones do the things they do because they have a total lack of empathy. Good people do good things because they feel the pain of others. Evil is a lack of empathy. Indeed, goodness and decency is an abundance of empathy. He who chooses to ‘beggar thy neighbour’ and abides by skullduggery politics, must be told nothing infuriates evil as much as being seen for what it is. And he who gets pleasure from the misfortune of others get the comeuppance he deserves for the bones of injustice always find a way of rising from the tombs to plague and mock the iniquitous…


III

Babri Masjid.

War, said Clausewitz, is politics by other means and in politics, you run with the hares while you hunt with the hounds. The muslim leadership gave the rabid hindu ideologues enough reason to perpetuate fear into the masses. Whether the political muslim leadership truly represented the views of average muslim is doubtful. The elite leadership was a class by itself and neither responsible to nor caring for the welfare of those they purported to champion, something sadly, the hindu leadership did not fail to notice and in turn violated a sacred trust.

The hands that tore down the disputed structure and thoughtlessly shredded the very fabric of society on that fateful day belonged to the common man. He had no reason to fear or despise the stone structure or his neighbor with whom his family had lived in peace till the moment his better sense was drowned in the cry of religious righteousness and zealot’s rhetoric. Mobs by nature are incapable of discerning right from wrong. Even as calmness and sanity return after a mad holiday, the shadow of remorse that will accompany them for rest of their lives will be their highest punishment.

If one does not learn from history, one is condemned to repeat it as in the long run, the truth does come out. That lesson being not to tear down anything unless you are prepared to build something better in its place.


IV

Anna Hazare. India's Captain America.

That character is a throwback to the times when well, character mattered- where the hero is an ordinary individual, but a good man to the bone who finds the strength to persevere and endure in the face of overwhelming conditions. Think of someone whose life has stirred you. Your sister who chose to take the road less traveled because of unknown possibilities. That special teacher who encouraged your brother to reach for his dreams. Or, maybe your parents, who believed you could do anything.

I imagine at the end of Indo Pak War, a bedraggled soldier came back to his village and said, “All I is seek is a meal-ticket and a place to sleep.” They must have looked at him and wondered, now that his glory days were over what work he could possibly do. Diminutive as he was, he was trained only to follow orders all his life. Little they realized he’d soon become a hero by defying them.

Oh, and my heroes are my mother, wife and sister. You got me there, gal and that's another story, long overdue!

No Cakewalk This.

Nobody likes to be reminded of their own human frailty. Especially when you can overlook personal raspberries and gape at another’s gaffes. Yet a rush to judgment is a race no one wins because you receive what you ultimately desire for others.

Pema Chodron, the Buddhist nun is fond of saying that being mad at someone and holding a grudge is like eating rat poison, thinking the rat will die. When someone yells at you, your gut reaction may be to yell back. You maybe right but that can get you in trouble and in many cases, may result in bad blood. Instead, try responding to the outcome. When an unsettling event happens, pause and ask yourself: what is outcome I want? Rather than reacting to the event, act in congruence with your desired outcome. The person who yelled at you: do you want an improved relationship with him or do you want to make him feel as bad as you do? If it's the latter, go ahead and yell back. But if it’s the former, empathize with his anger and respond to the underlying issue in a calm manner.

Easier said than done? Why not piss and vinegar? Some say, they can talk their way out of any situation and for a time they may be right. But if someone already dislikes you, either because of a simple misunderstanding or an error in judgment on your part, he or she will be really difficult to persuade with words. Their emotions will always get in the way of their ability to think logically and reasonably. Consistent actions over a sustained period of time, however, will usually persuade even the most diehard skeptic. If you chose to be polite and patient, it will be very hard for even your enemies to dislike you. In any case, you become a better person for having made the effort.

Duh, nobody really changes. Besides, no man can be comfortable with his own approval. You might argue, you don't have to raise your voice to seem yelling. There are many ways to inaudibly be aggressive: sending nasty emails, enlisting others to exert pressure, and escalating disputes to your boss, to name a few. Yelling, even when done quietly, betrays your frustration and anger, and certainly doesn't encourage real understanding or acceptance of your wishes. If you find yourself in a silent shouting match, restart and reframe the discussion. Take a step back and ask the other party to as well. Work backwards by asking questions like: What are our shared goals? What do we want to accomplish? From this defused place, you have a much better chance of making progress. Indeed look upon any man the way he is, he only becomes worse. But look at him as what he could be and he becomes what he should be - and that's pure magic!

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. This is your official notice.

He Said. She Said.

“Tell me about your daddy issues.” His T-shirt.

Women who love and respect their fathers make great partners. And if you ever have a daughter, you’ll begin, without realizing it, to divide men into two camps: those you suspect are sleeping with her and those you don't. Whoever says that's not true is lying even as he's hoping to find a Good Samaritan who will marry his daughter someday.

"...but no man could save me, no matter how tall or white his horse was, until I was ready to clean up my life." Her Diary.

Women marry their fathers. There is a lot of truth to that. Women grow up to marry a man who in many ways is like her father. If her father treated her well, she tends to marry a man who treats her well. If her father was abusive, she tends to marry a man who is abusive. Such women then find themselves with worthless men with low self esteem. For the relationship between a little girl and her father creates her self esteem and ability to be emotionally close to a man...

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth of
A woman's good heart.

No shit, Sherlock!

Man And Superman.

Chuck Norris is amusingly misquoted as having said, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved with a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.”

I love to listen to men who live a life I’d like to live. As Johnny Fontane kvetched to Vito Corleone: “Godfather, I don’t know what to do!” The Don didn’t reply: “Have you tried psychoanalysis?” The Don simply said: “You can act like a man!” Never better said. What’s the point of wearing a Versace suit if you use your sleeve for a napkin? Man up. I’m sick of hearing about broken hearts. We can’t all be Romeos, but we can at least keep from acting like Quasimodo. Because the time you spend revisiting relationships that don't work is time you could spend finding a person who is right for you. The important thing to remember, for relationships to work, you need to approach as equals.

I suffered stoically without the love I yearned for until I decided to get rid of anything that was not useful, beautiful or joyful. God does not take anything from us without giving us something greater in return. There is a passage in ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ where Edmund Dantes says, “I don’t believe in God.” Priest Faria replies, “That is no matter, Edmund for God loves you.” When you love and accept yourself completely, old habits of beating yourself up, criticizing and condemning yourself dissolve. Instead, your appreciation and fulfillment in life grows.

You cannot control what life does to you, they are done before you know it and once they are done, they make you do other things until at last, it comes between you and the man you want to be. The only thing standing between you and what you want from life is usually you and no one is in more trouble than the man who lives two lives. You know the saying, "This is the first day of the rest of your life". Well, whether or not you’re afraid to become a real man, the world of men will drag you screaming and kicking into it, because we know you are going to be alright. So allow yourself to be thrown off the cliff and find yourself washed up on the beach: A real man, a mature man with a life.

Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die. We’re the only species that knows we’re going to die- that is humorous and chilling at the same time. My master once remarked, “When people ask abstract stuff about time, or space, or reincarnation, I respond by enquiring if they exercise regularly, eat a wholesome diet, get enough sleep, show kindness to others, and remember to take a slow, deep breath- as it brings this spiritual quest down to earth. Of course, there is nothing wrong with philosophical speculations. But we can't afford to let it replace the spiritual practice of everyday life. After all, what does it serve to learn if angels wear earrings if we can’t hold a job or maintain a long-term relationship? What good does it do to pray like a saint or meditate like a yogi if we are unchanged when we open our eyes? What good to be present at a place of worship on Saturday or Sunday if we lack compassion on Monday?”

Our medals and titles don’t count when we go to heaven. But we’ll be looked over carefully for the sort of life we had when we are done. For the crevasses and lines on our faces show not our age, but how much we dared to be true to ourselves. Are you going to view life as it happens six inches away from your face, or take the long term view of a much wiser man? Difficult choice, and one I understand too well. Maybe, you don’t have to do great things, only small things with great love. Complete your childhood and become a true adult. Agree only to your highest choices. Have a sense of purpose and gratitude. Even Luke had a Yoda. Find your Sensei.

Be the best a man can get (not just a teeny bit of rehearsing in front of the bathroom mirror)! Gillette or something like that...

Not Another Thanksgiving Day Message !

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou

Before we get to the table for a belly-blast this weekend, we are grudgingly face-to-face with the challenge of gratitude all month long. For most of the year we can duck and dodge the pressures of thankfulness, and most people do - openly admitting to having a difficult time accepting compliments, much less the larger implication of being truly loved.

So, why all this muss and fuss? Why do we have such a hard time receiving people's affection, admiration and sincere love? Why don't we hear their knocking as a joyous visitor but rather a rude intruder? Why do we, when asked, pretend to be so perfectly happy with our lives?

We live in a Prozac land, a world in which putting one another down is considered funny, reprimanding children's spirited relationship with life is normal and the resulting wide spread depression is written off as biochemical. Maybe no one wants to be reminded of their own human frailty so we not only ignore raspberries and other signs in our fellow mortals but grow allergic ourselves to receiving someone's praise.

Even as people the world over feel morally justified in engaging in aggressive and morally questionable behavior when they think that there is no other option and the divorce rate keeps exposing how difficult it is to be loved and loving, it is time for each of us to take a long and hard look at the mirror and to recognize, respect and value our unique gifts and talents. Not as an exercise in narcissism, but as an exercise in receiving and then experiencing and expressing sincere gratitude. But then, notice, we will have to give up our cloaks of indifference we so fiercely defend, our false modesty and most of all, Gestalt depression that protects us from being truly alive.

And say, if each person can realize no one on earth can be like them...that no other soul may know the beauty, sorrow, light and darkness they alone are given to see….that fairy tales are true, not because they tell us dragons exist but that dragons can be beaten, then we will really be the person who meets life no longer with the pretense we already know what it's all about that keeps us from acknowledging what we are all about. Life then is a dance floor and not armies banging on each other’s wall, getting through each other...

When we receive and feel this gratitude towards life itself, we want the whole world to feel the same way. We surrender our isolation. We reach back to embrace the one who graced us with their spiritual generosity and gracefully accept another's positive recognition of who we are. So, why wait for someone else to do it when we can do so ourselves (and do it better than anyone else)? Why not, this Thanksgiving, instead of smiling for the sake of smiling, go ahead and give ourselves another reason to smile?

Last Chance, Fancy Pants.

Rock on 80s VH1 Flashback style!

She Comes First.

And whilst our souls negotiate there,
We like sepulchral statues lay;
All day, the same our postures were,
And we said nothing, all day.
They knew not which soul spake,
Because both meant, both spake the same-
Might thence a new concoction take
And part far purer than they came?
                                                         - John Donne

Have you ever sensed the slow burn of a woman turn to ardor, the sweetness of her surrendered body wanting to completely let go, be closer to you, be pleasured and protected by you? A woman on the verge of eruption with a libido of magma yet the tenderness of an angel? Nothing could be obscene in such a love. Everything that occurs in between becomes a sacrament.

Such a moment may never come: you may not fall in love or you may not wish to give your whole life to anyone and one day realize that you’re no longer young and you never found a choir of cupids with lyres, or a bed of white roses leading from the altar. The only revenge left for you then would be to steal from life the pleasure of firm and passionate flesh - a pleasure that evaporates faster than good intentions and is the nearest thing to heaven you find in this world, where everything decays, beginning with beauty and ending with memory.

But somebody on duty up in heaven grants you a lucky break and as you reach the marriage bed pure of heart and loins, awaiting the moment when true love will lead you to the discovery of ecstasy of body and soul, and blessed by the Holy Spirit, have children who bear your family name and eyes of that saintly woman: a shining example of virtue and modesty in whose company you will enter the doors of heaven under the benevolent gaze of the Baby Jesus...

Suffering find peace in me, so much to kiss and tell,

So little peace before me, so little peace in hell.

I saw her as thine savior, but I never could decide,

Was my bleeding without or I was scratched inside.

Flagrante Delicto !

I love the idea of you and me
Passionately
I feel your breath
Ever so closely
You draw near to me
Sugar me sweet
Your mood I feel
Gyrating against
My manly need
Thirsting for some of your sweet release
For my eyes only
In the dark I see
And maneuver
Your pleasure I seek
You arch your body
To receive
The fullness of
My manly beam
Against my ears
Hot air you breathe
Exhorting me
Of your wanton needs
Deep within
Your mood I reach
Touching the very heart
Of your being
Holding me tightly
As you gently release
Digging your nails deep
Your legs imprison me
Lips feverishly seek company
As we reach
That climatic peak
The beast you awaken in me
The lion roars
Emanating jungle heat
Listening to the shrill scream
Of his queen
Together you and me.

The dictionary meaning of the title leaves no room for sophistry but I'm wont to think of two bodies coming togther, a soulful experience that orgasm is like a small death, or if you will, the night that led to sonograms, dirty diapers and paying for college!

The Promised Land lies on the other side of the wilderness and if what's coming next sounds like a rabbit hunt for Ms. Perfect, remember its perfectly natural if this gets you thinking of that special someone by your side - to raise you up when you're down, to let you be when you need to cool off, to pet your ego a bit, to desire you, to be your lover, to want to make children, to want to die for you, to worship God with, to help the poor with you, to grow as a team, to make beautiful music together, to workout with you, to laugh so hard your sides hurt, to cry with, to smile with, to succeed, to sleep together, shower, to eat together, to just talk, to joke around with, to sing together, to make hard decisions with, to clean the house with, to listen to music together, to go on adventures together, to learn new languages with you, to make meals with, to wash the car with, to clean diapers with, to stand up for justice together, to be swell parents to your kids, to discipline the kids with, to love your kids, to tell your daughter she is not allowed to wear that dress, to tell your son no means no, to shop with, to forever kiss, to hold hands, to grow old together, to play with your grandkids, to read the Bible with you, to teach your children about God, to die with - 10x better than the boring shit on matrimonial columns, ain't it?

Lies, damn lies. Tell me more, please!

To The Dude Fingering His Dudette On The Volvo.

I gotta give it to you, dawg. It takes a degree of brazenness to doodle the noddle in broad daylight. Really, with people staring, takes a schmuck to paw the rabbit hole in public. That too, around elderly people who'd normally be appalled if you politely asked them the sex of an angel!

So, there I was in the bus minding my own business. I guess there were 35-40 people in the bus and it would have been another ride in taciturnity when you walked in with your arm on her back, looking as debonair as a cock on his way to the henhouse. And I was busy reading some paperback when you two plonked next to me. You, me and your girl in one row divided by the alley. I kinda knew you started double-clicking her mouse because she was squirming all over the damned place. Hiding her crotch with her big-ass bag was a nice touch, though. It made the scene more obvious, but still nice touch.

No, I wasn’t talking about your touch. Ass.

Now, it’s a well-known fact that richness of buttery food leads to moral decay and confusion of the intellect and the fact you had just about gorged your food when the bus arrived, made this clandestine affair even more discomfiting what with your perfunctory odors stinking up the interiors. When, the bus did halt to let us alight and pee, why you two decided to continue your frigging show beats me. You only stopped so you could put on shades. Like that’ll hide your identity. Very subtle, really.

What I have to say here is that you should keep your hand out of her panties and in your own pocket till you two get home. I can imagine you can't wait to dial her telephone and to prove you can show her more about her own body than she thinks was possible. But you see, it’s freaking 10 in the morning. The last thing people want to see on their way to work is a happy couple, lost in their own world, digging the Tunnel of Love. This ain’t Japan, where fingerbanging 20-something year old wearing school girl outfits might be some sort of tradition, according to X-rated videos. Why in US, you might find yourself with a temporary restraining order, or if mistaken as some pervert on mission, locked away for the night in a dark room with your new cell mate, touching you!

Okay, don't look at me like that. I know you youngsters think we people have never fallen in love or ever done something like that. So, I’ll end by saying it was highly titillating but thoroughly reprehensible of you to jerk her off. You’re obviously the guy who wants to be caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar and have us love him for it anyway. And I also applaud your girlfriend’s hygiene, her seat didn’t exactly smell like fish either. That’s a compliment for you two right there. Lest you forget you’re in a country where anybody can take a phone out and take a video of you two. I wont be surprised if someone was able to do that, though. Keep an eye, in any case, on the bluetooth enabled network for your rise to fame via low quality .3gp video.

Potrait Of A Lone Woman...

UP NEXT !

Editor's note: It's been forever since I wrote this one up but I've been busy as a bee with a new job in a new city and now that I got down to it, I've a writer's block! However, for your sweet patience, I decided to throw caution to the winds, just this one time and write something outrageous than let you suffer in my silence.

Note, the blog above ( one starting with To-The-Dude, is meant for consenting viewers only so if you get easily excited or offended, please leave…

Or, you can wait for me to finish this blog or just tell me how to wrap my head around it. The best advice wins a hundred points. I don’t know what those hundred points can do, but it may help you get laid. I really don’t know. :D

Young And Full Of Beans !

'Man must shape his tools lest they shape him' - Anonynomous

This year it's Twitter. Last year it was Facebook. The year before, YouTube. Every day, you hear some technology making headlines and you find a longer list of must-join networks and must-have tools: the iPhone. Cloud storage. Digg. LinkedIn. Kindle. There’s always another social network to join or another tool to learn. Now, I ain't a Luddite but this constant need of attention is making lives soft and lazy. Between Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, it’s just me, me, me. Today’s image-conscious generation comes with a full sense of unwarranted arrogance. To crazy chicks who set up their Myspace page so they can look popular and to mamma’s boys who spend the day updating their Facebook accounts, I don’t want to know what your favorite shows are and I don’t need to know what you’re tweeting about. I don’t care exactly how many hits the video of you singing “Mama Mia” in the shower gets on YouTube and I really don’t want to hear the sickening whine of anyone who thinks of hardship as having to wait two minutes for a microwave to finish. These young, self-centred kids don’t realize there’s work involved. “I deserve this. I deserve that.” What they deserve is get smacked around a little. When I was a kid, I knew my place: down at the bottom and a whole flight of stairs to the top.

A lot of youth these days want to do their own thing, go at their own pace, live life to the fullest. When you think you’ve got a direct line to the top, know all there is to know and never make mistakes, it’s a hard awakening when something doesn’t go your way. New guys at work think they ‘re entitled to greener paychecks. When you’re a fresh-faced kid and you’re starting out, you’re not entitled to anything except a mop and a pail. I was content if some guy dropped me a nickel on his way out the door. If you want a drive a Cadillac, you have to learn to park some first...Perhaps you think of my imagery to be overly dramatic. Do you think guys who take out your garbage have a passion for garbage? No, of course they don't. They do, have a desire to make a honest living. So next time, you're asked to do a job you don't like, tell yourself that this need to be done and you're going to do it. Oh, and stop looking for that heart-pounding excitement over some job and earn pride that you worked hard to get something done. You have to know when you screwed up, and you have to learn from those instances. Got sloppy on a job? Put the decimal in the wrong place? There’s no good that comes from taking the defensive or playing the blame game. Young guys today, it’s never their fault. They’ll be pointing the finger all the way to the unemployment line.

I see guys playing video games all day, flushing greenbacks down the toilet. It makes me sick how some guys can drop a few Gs on PlayStation 3 games but don't give a single buck to charity. I also know of parents who’ve found enough of the white in their kid’s rooms to put some poor kid through college. Oh, and if your son's classmates start calling him Dot and he comes home, bends over and proudly displays a "D" tattooed on one butt cheek and a "T" tattooed on the other, you know it’s about time you had a word with him! Today, any parent handling the prickly points of a teen knows giving the child a positive self-image is important. But do we see to it that we're really driving home the right values? The reason young men and women fly off the handle and make terrible decisions when left to their own devices is because they’ve haven’t been taught anything about their past, their history or their ancestry. They’re so obsessed with their narcissism, they've no sense of right and wrong. Why blame them, blame the parents who failed to discipline them.

Excuse me for being harsh; clearly you're a little offended. Just proves my words ain’t falling on deaf ears. I’d be surprised at how many kids even reflect on their previous actions, responses or decisions. I’m not saying you have to go to the shrink every week and spill your guts, but if there’s one person you can learn from most, it’s yourself. We all need solid advice but can't afford big egos. There are plenty of good things coming out of your generation, but instead of telling you how good you are, I’d rather tell you how better you can be. Perhaps it was the same with me when I was young and my parents would deny and cringe in disbelief at my generation. Wasted potential they say, is a terrible thing. For all I care, you can join that bum on the side walk and scream about socialism and the apocalypse all you want but I wouldn't waste another second on you!

Mercury Rising

Mark Twain said, " Everyone grumbles about the weather but no one does nothing about it.” And I’m about to share my two pennies on the most blown up environmental issue of all times-global warming. Global warming is not opinion. It’s a scientific reality. And science tells us that human activity has made huge impacts to our planet that affect our well-being and even our survival as a species. The world’s leading science journals report that glaciers are melting ten times faster than previously thought, that greenhouse gases have reached levels not seen for millions of years and that species are vanishing as a result of climate change. They show photos taken from space of shorlines retreating, extreme weather events, severe dry spells and of rising sea levels.

“Those who claim that winters were harder when they were boys are quite right...weathermen have long warned that the world at least for the time being is growing warmer.” Before you think that this is just another line from Vice President Gore’s movie, you need to know that the quote I just read you from Time Magazine was not a recent quote; it was from January 2, 1939. Yes, in 1939. Nine years before Vice President Gore was born and over three decades before Time Magazine began hyping a coming ice age and almost five decades before they returned to hyping global warming. Time Magazine in 1951 pointed to receding permafrost in Russia as proof that the planet was warming in 1952, the New York Times noted that the bone of contention for global warming “has always been the melting glaciers”.

There are three sides to this story. Yours, mine and the cold hard truth. Over the last century, the media has flip-flopped between global cooling and warming scares. At the turn of the 20th century, the media sold an upcoming ice age - and they said the world was coming to an end. Then in the 1930s, the alarm was raised about disaster from global warming - and they said the world was coming to an end. Then in the 70’s, an alarm for another ice age was raised - and they said the world was coming to an end. And now, we are back to fears of catastrophic global warming -and again they are saying the world is coming to an end. Sadly today, this media overkill of ‘climate porn’ fails to seduce people.

Global warming is real. By burning fossil fuels, the carbon dump has raised the global mean temperature by half a degree in the last century. “Earth is approaching the warmest temperatures in 12,000 years - a short blip in time to your average geologist. If we do nothing, in about 10 years the planet may reach a "tipping point" and begin a irrevocable wipeout of our civilization and most of the other species on this planet. After that period, it would be too late for any action.” These facts are stated by Al Gore in the documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." Forget he ever ran for office. He’s no John the Baptist either, crying out in the wilderness. Just consider him a concerned man speaking out on the approaching catastrophe. Only a rapid transition to energy efficiency and renewable energy sources will counter global warming, protect human health, create new jobs, protect habitat and wildlife and ensure a secure, affordable energy future. Energy poverty can lead to a life of back-breaking poverty and slow death. You owe it to yourself to understand this. If you do not and you have kids, you have explain to them why you decided not to.

Hindsight is most uncommon of brain functions: You can have anything you want in this world if you just help enough other people get what they want. There is enough in the world for everyone's need but not for everyone's greed. So better to be the fool who predicts wrong than a wise man who predicts none. But like the inability of the dinosaur to adapt to that very situation made them extinct, climate skeptics defy this conventional wisdom. They debunk hysteria surrounding global warming by arguing, “History is witness to predictions of doom that never came true. We all heard dire predictions about the threat of overpopulation, food scarcity, mass starvation and the projected death of our oceans. None of these predictions came true, yet it never stopped the doomsayers from predicting a dire environmental future.” They see global warming as a religion, not science. What they can't see, is they have only themselves to argue with, they can’t argue with melting glaciers. That, good people do good things. Bad people do bad things. But for good people to do bad things, that takes religion...

Ho’oponopono

Ho’oponopono, as I understand it, is a healing process that can be used to let go of all that shows up in your life as some type of suffering. Used consistently and with intent it has been known to powerfully change lives.

I will not claim to be an expert, I have never taken a class and I have been working with it for only a few weeks. But it is something, that once I spent just a little time with, has become familiar to me as the back of my hand and as useful as my right thumb. And I wish to share it with you. You don’t have to trust me and you don’t have to take my word for it. Just try it and then add your comments to tell me how it touched your life.

To connect with the energy and power of this prayer you need to consider the possibility that you are responsible for everything that touches your life. I recognize that this may be difficult for many to accept and I understand. But by taking responsibility you are also opening to the possibility that if you are responsible, you are also capable of transforming that which you see as unacceptable.

Read the lines below and allow it to sink into your being. Work to not argue against it. Just allow it, for now, and for the purpose of working with Ho’oponopono. There are three simple lines used to release the transformative power of this prayer.

I am sorry.
I was wrong.
Forgive me.

Now, apologizing does not mean losing face or accepting defeat. At the least, if you communicate from a honest, loving space, you experience some profound healing if not, build broken relationships. At the best, it is a method for connecting with suffering– ours and that which is all around us– everywhere we go. To overcome the fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our hearts...and awakening the compassion that is inherent in all of us, no matter how cruel or cold we seem to be.

I have my own theory about this, actually on personal experience. I was deeply attached to somebody who I felt disliked me very much and I couldn't get out of it. What's more, this person was inaccessible and wouldn't talk to me about the problem. That feeling of being disliked and having no chance to discuss it made me feel something terribly wrong is happening and it hung somewhat heavy on my hands. But as I relaxed into that feeling, it went away. It always goes away. And I didn't die. That was a big moment for me. I realized that struggling with the idea that she was unlovable only made the pain worse. Unless we can relax with these feelings, it's very hard to stay in the middle when we experience them. We want victory or defeat, praise or blame. If somebody abandons us, we don't want to be with that raw discomfort. Instead, we conjure up a familiar identity of ourselves as a hapless victim. Or maybe we avoid the rawness by acting out and righteously telling the person how messed up he or she is. We instinctively want to cover over the pain in one way or another, identifying with victory or victimhood.

But in the middle way, there is no reference point. The mind with no reference point does not resolve itself, does not fixate or grasp. How could we possibly have no reference point? To have no reference point would be to change a deep-seated habitual response to the world: wanting to make it work out one way or the other . If I can't go left or right, I will die! When we don't go left or right, we feel like we are in a detox center . We're alone, cold turkey with all the edginess that we've been trying to avoid by going left or right. That edginess can feel pretty heavy. However , years and years of going to the left or right, going to yes or no, going to right or wrong has never really changed anything. Scrambling for security has never brought anything but momentary joy. The middle way is wide open, but it's tough going, because it goes against the grain of neurotic pattern that we all share. When we feel lonely, when we feel hopeless, what we want to do is move to the right or the left. We don't want to sit and feel what we feel. We don't want to go through the detox. Yet the middle way encourages us to do just that.

Next is, contentment. When we have nothing, we have nothing to lose. We don't have anything to lose but being programmed in our guts to feel we have a lot to lose. Our feeling that we have a lot to lose is rooted in fear, of loneliness, of change, of anything that can't be resolved, of nonexistence. Could we just settle down and have some compassion and respect for ourselves? Could we stop trying to escape from being alone with ourselves? Relaxing with loneliness is a worthy occupation. As the Bard once said, "If you want to find meaning, stop chasing so many things."

This loneliness allows us to look honestly and without aggression at our own minds. We can gradually drop our ideals of who we think we ought to be, or who we think we want to be, or who we think other people think we want to be or ought to be. We give it up and just look directly with compassion and humor at who we are. Then loneliness is no threat and heartache, no punishment. Loneliness doesn't provide any resolution or give us ground under our feet. It challenges us to step into a world of no reference point without polarizing or solidifying. And the less we spin off and go crazy, the more we get the satisfaction of loneliness.

So it is working with negativity. There's nothing wrong with negativity. There's really nothing wrong with what you're going through. It's very real, and it brings you closer to the truth. And there's nothing wrong with our thoughts and emotions except that we identify with them and make them seem solid. But if you don't identify with them, you begin to see life as a sort of movie in which you are the protagonist. It still has plot and conflict-there's no other way it could be- but you don't have this tight grip on it all. We need to let the story line go and have an immediate experience of what's actually happening, without blaming ourselves or anyone else.

Okay, back to Ho’oponopono. Ho’oponopono is not just a word- its a total feeling coupled with an understanding that everyone who has ever hurt us and in fact every human being alive is only as good ( or bad ) as their past programming. That means being who those people are and the programming and resources they had at the time those people were responding in the only way they could, being the only thing they knew how to be at the time. Now it does not mean that you have to like the person, that you will ever let that person back into your life or that you will ever allow them or anyone like them to hurt you again.

Ho’oponopono simply means that you recognize that those individuals who hurt you regardless of what you might have thought, were only reacting out of the internal programming that they had at the time. With that realization one can begin to let the element of those people who hurt us in the past go, to release that energy from within us, because what is really hurting us is the part of that person, situation, or event that we refuse to let go of, and when we can let that go, when we can forgive what was done to us and forgive the people who did it...

So, why not take a break for a moment, close your eyes, breath deep, and allow yourself to just repeat these four lines over and over to yourself for a few moments. Allow yourself to sink into them, without expectation. How does it feel? Even undirected these words sooth, open, and heal.

The real power, in Ho’oponopono happens when one focuses towards something or someone in your world that is suffering, or causing you suffering. We start taking on the suffering of a person we know to be hurting and who we wish to help. For example, if your beloved is being hurt, you breathe in the wish to take away all the pain and fear of her. Then, as you breathe out, you send her happiness, joy or whatever would relieve her pain. This is the core of the practice: breathing in other's pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open, and breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever you feel would bring them relief and happiness. However, we often cannot do this practice because we come face to face with our own fear, numbness, anger, or whatever our personal pain, our personal stuckness happens to be at that moment. At that point you can change the focus and begin to do this excerise at you are feeling and for thousands of others just like you who at that very moment of time are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery. Maybe you are able to name your pain. You recognize it clearly as terror or repulsion or anger or wanting to get revenge. So you breathe in for all the people who are caught with that same emotion and you send out relief or whatever opens up the space for yourself and all those countless others. Maybe you can't name what you're feeling. But you can feel it- a tightness in the throat, a heavy darkness or whatever. Just contact what you are feeling and breathe in, take it in– for all of us and send out relief to all of us. People often say that this practice goes against the grain of how we usually hold ourselves together. Truthfully, this practice does go against the grain of wanting things on our own terms, of wanting it to work out for ourselves no matter what happens to the others. And the practice dissolves the stoniness we've tried so hard to create in ourselves.

There's a joke about bodhisattvas, who are a kind of spiritual masters in the Mahayana Buddhist tradition- the biggest problem for bodhisattvas is that they don't have much to work with anymore, because fewer and fewer things bring out their negative emotions. It's humorous because this is everyone else's dream come true, but it's a big problem for bodhisattvas. I'm a far cry from that level, but I do know from personal experience that life can become smoother. Once I asked a spiritual teacher what happens as your life gets smoother, and he said you have to up the ante and go into more and more difficult situations. You have the capacity to go into the hell realms of the world and help the people there because you're less perturbed by how awful things are. As your own life gets smoother, you can move closer to people who are in severe mental or physical anguish, because you no longer have any fear of it and therefore you can be of some help. Even as Buddha cried at the moment of his enlightenment, looking out he saw that the whole planet was filled with so much suffering and everyone was selfishly acting and speaking and thinking in a way that they were blocking themselves more and more...

When you wake up some morning and out of nowhere comes the heartache of alienation and loneliness, rather than persecuting yourself or feeling that something terribly wrong is happening, right there in the moment of sadness and longing, could you relax and touch the limitless space of the human heart? When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you start to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.

Unless you're some casual, coffee-sipping cynic and you don't believe any of this, if you think that you are that one special person in the universe who the laws of nature don't apply to, you can see this world burn...or save a life with Ho’oponopono.