To The Dude Fingering His Dudette On The Volvo.

I gotta give it to you, dawg. It takes a degree of brazenness to doodle the noddle in broad daylight. Really, with people staring, takes a schmuck to paw the rabbit hole in public. That too, around elderly people who'd normally be appalled if you politely asked them the sex of an angel!

So, there I was in the bus minding my own business. I guess there were 35-40 people in the bus and it would have been another ride in taciturnity when you walked in with your arm on her back, looking as debonair as a cock on his way to the henhouse. And I was busy reading some paperback when you two plonked next to me. You, me and your girl in one row divided by the alley. I kinda knew you started double-clicking her mouse because she was squirming all over the damned place. Hiding her crotch with her big-ass bag was a nice touch, though. It made the scene more obvious, but still nice touch.

No, I wasn’t talking about your touch. Ass.

Now, it’s a well-known fact that richness of buttery food leads to moral decay and confusion of the intellect and the fact you had just about gorged your food when the bus arrived, made this clandestine affair even more discomfiting what with your perfunctory odors stinking up the interiors. When, the bus did halt to let us alight and pee, why you two decided to continue your frigging show beats me. You only stopped so you could put on shades. Like that’ll hide your identity. Very subtle, really.

What I have to say here is that you should keep your hand out of her panties and in your own pocket till you two get home. I can imagine you can't wait to dial her telephone and to prove you can show her more about her own body than she thinks was possible. But you see, it’s freaking 10 in the morning. The last thing people want to see on their way to work is a happy couple, lost in their own world, digging the Tunnel of Love. This ain’t Japan, where fingerbanging 20-something year old wearing school girl outfits might be some sort of tradition, according to X-rated videos. Why in US, you might find yourself with a temporary restraining order, or if mistaken as some pervert on mission, locked away for the night in a dark room with your new cell mate, touching you!

Okay, don't look at me like that. I know you youngsters think we people have never fallen in love or ever done something like that. So, I’ll end by saying it was highly titillating but thoroughly reprehensible of you to jerk her off. You’re obviously the guy who wants to be caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar and have us love him for it anyway. And I also applaud your girlfriend’s hygiene, her seat didn’t exactly smell like fish either. That’s a compliment for you two right there. Lest you forget you’re in a country where anybody can take a phone out and take a video of you two. I wont be surprised if someone was able to do that, though. Keep an eye, in any case, on the bluetooth enabled network for your rise to fame via low quality .3gp video.